The Post-Menopausal Lady (what is she good for?)
What is a postmenopausal lady good for? It’s a question that has been getting a bit of airtime since it became a talking point from Donald Trump’s running mate for the US Vice Presidency, JD Vance.
During a podcast – recorded in 2020 but resurfacing now – Vance recounted how his mother-in-law moved in with his family for a year after his first child was born, and goes on to agree with the host who asserts, “the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female” is to help raise her grandchildren.
As career advice, you’ve got to say this lacks imagination. The basic idea is that once women have finished raising kids, their next exciting step is to – wait for it – raise someone else’s. For free. Because honestly, what else might she be capable of?
I hear ideas like this and marvel at the nostalgia for a time that didn’t actually exist – a weirdly retro 1950s view of women that pictured us all, wasp-waisted, cheerfully raising little Johnny by day and mixing martinis for John senior of an evening. The home was her world, and his castle.
Clearly, if it had been as idyllic and wholly satisfying as they suggest, our mothers and grandmothers wouldn’t have set fire to their bras in the 1960s, right?
To assert that women’s primary purpose – and I can’t believe I have a reason to say this in 2024 – is to provide unpaid childcare is absolutely bananas.
It flies in the face of everything we know about ourselves and each other. Honestly, kids are great, glad I had one, love her to pieces, would not change a thing about any of that.
But also, that is not enough for me, or for anyone else I know. We love to work, earn money, be part of our communities. To lead, build and create as much as the people who aren’t women do.
Also, just quietly, on any given day if you ask a mother what she thinks of JD Vance’s “childless cat ladies” who he says are “less invested in” and less valuable to society, this woman will get a faraway look in her eyes and sigh, “Aspirational”.
As for us postmenopausal women – what are we really good for? It’s a fair question and we don’t talk about this enough. It came up at an event I was MCing recently during a session about living with menopause in the workplace.
One of the younger women said she mostly hears about the challenging parts of ageing – hot flushes, brain fog, weight gain, joint aches, a combination of myriad things – and asked if there was anything at all to look forward.
Oh, so much! I know I am not the only woman – not even the only woman in my family – who experienced a rush of energy, a new found sense of self, a feeling of life opening up for me once the focus was off caring for others and could be turned instead to what I might want.
Time, energy and clarity of purpose coupled with more confidence – the kind of confidence that’s based on experiences which deliver a belt full of tools and skills for dealing with challenges.
Also, little to no interest in being found attractive or conforming to society’s idea of how women should look or behave. Caring less about what other people think of you because you like you, and that’s enough to be going on with.
The whole purpose of the postmenopausal female is to live with the independence of a man, but better.